A good word re: ‘legalism’ from my friend Nathan White
[A]n invalid conclusion [concerning how Scripture should be applied] doesn’t necessarily mean someone has fallen into ‘legalism’. We’re called to make such conclusions to the best of our ability, and to avoid violating our conscience in many matters of behavior. “Test all things; hold fast to that which is good.”
So I see the difficulty here (no matter if the subject is beverage alcohol, smoking, or the education of our children, etc.) as being loving others who come to different conclusions, not demanding that they adhere to our standards, and welcoming them into the body as believers in good standing.